We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. Some of us, can get over it quite easily while the rest of us, are subject to one of the most annoying emotions ever, at a rather irksome frequency. It’s natural to have this emotion once in a blue moon. Of course, like anything, too much of it, and it turns into a problem. To stop any problem we must first know what it is. So, what is jealousy exactly?
Jealousy is an emotion that:
1. Comes from distrust in yourself or in others.
2. Can affect any relationship in your life, not just sexual ones.
3. Can be a solution.
Now, when I said it’s a solution, I never meant that it was a well, thought out solution. Jealousy is a rash solution we turn to when we feel vulnerable and can think of no better options at the time. Instead of competing for attention or letting your jealousy build up until you’re projecting harsh words of anger, Clinical Psychologist, Susan Heitler, has a better idea:
I invite my client, “Close your eyes.” Closed eyes enable people to focus inward.
I ask then the forward-looking question, “If you look at your jealousy in the best possible light, what is the jealousy intended to accomplish?”
Once we know what concern the “solution” of jealousy is meant to address, we can work together to create new options for solving the problem.
To conquer jealousy, we have to think of it not as an overwhelming emotion, but as a simple mistake that we can correct. And if we take Dr. Heitler’s advice, we are still capable of getting what we truly want out of our mistakes.